Stuffy in the room

I don't even remember when was the last time I woke up for work.

Ya. I've been having such a long break, not in a good way. I miss the lagoon. Miss the animals, miss the people. Miss the place.

And I look back myself. It's almost a year I've been there. What did I achieve?? NO! Damn you Yong Yu Lin!! You're such a loser! I hate you.

And looked back myself before I was here. In the island, sunshine, sea, sand, diving... it was, the best time of my life. I guess now I am paying back for all those joy I had. Maybe I do not deserve it. So now I stuck here. In the room, and no where to go.

I looked into my old picture. I didn't know I was having that much fun. Until now. God knows how much I miss the sea, how much I miss those corals, how much I miss the lil nudibranch... I miss the life woke up by the beach... cabana... all those... all those...

Sunshine and laughter. I miss you.

I'm just going to get mad

I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.

Yes. I'm just going to get mad.
it's stuffing. it's suffocating. it's horrible experience. how long yet for me to get out?

don't lock me here if I can't work. let me go home. one more day I'm just going to get mad.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Robin Scherbatsky

"The future is scary but you just can't run back to the past because it's familiar." -- Robin
Robin said that to Ted, when Ted is thinking about going back with his ex-girlfriend, or friends. And this comedy, this line, touches me.

From places to places, I need time to suit the place, and the new me. Without fail, every time, I cry to a new place, end up, I cry to leave too! I am enjoying my life, of moving. Hence every time I feel suffocate, I know, it's time to leave.

This is my first real time job, and I dont know how long I can stay. Somehow, now this job became my comfort zone. I know there is somewhere I need to go every morning I wake up. Cute little, or big animal waiting for me, things to be done, spending time with them, tell them, oh I miss my boyfriend... They are, the reason I wake up every morning.

But these few days at home, I keep on running this in my mind. This sentence. Yes I admit, I am scare of changing now. I am cool now! I dont know changes will make me better or pull me down.

Entering buffer time.

L I F E

Yes. That's right. I'm thinking of this game and now it's in my iPhone.

How long ago was the first time this game came into our life? Way before secondary school I bet. Sims. And I don't know why is it call 'SIMS', until today, I did a little bit reading. Sim, is just from the word simulator.

Long long ago from the sims, we learn, as a kid. We have to go work, we choose our job, we have to make friends, we have to save money, we have to create bonding, we can choose to flirt with the other girl or just be friend, we need to have a family, we need to make love to have babies...... We have to plan our life. When I was 12, it was just a game. And now. It's such a freaking true life. How can a game be so cruel and tell us we are just leading a meaningless 'sims' life?

So that day we had a gathering with all the sisters. So sad we didn't take a picture. Well this shows that all of us are so same, we are not the camwhore type. That made us together. For more than a decade. Girls, don't know if you realize, this little lunch touches me a lot. Sie needs to talk on the phone in the middle of lunch, doing her job; Mei knew this place through her job; Fei is thinking of changing job, OL can't attend cause she needs to attend court on monday. We all moved on. But somehow I feel left out. I never really into the real world like all of you. Did I miss out anything? Grab me, maybe I'm just sinking.

And also, thanks for the boyfriends that came. I knew it took you all lots of effort.

---> Ackn: Kill, Tall, Ryan, XP.

And Dai Lou Kill, one word from you made me ponder for a few days. Yes, I am not young anymore. I, AM, NOT, YOUNG, A N Y M O R E. Don't like you.

(^o^) After all I'm still younger than you. Bleh..

Quote of the day

After all we are just living in the Sims City.

And they lived happily ever after

Yes.

I am expressing my doubt here.

.

.

.

.

I just came back to reality from a very lovely date. We had, exactly 25 hours. Minus off we slept 6 hours. Every moment is so precious. You told me, this is something that people being together always would never understand. Yes. We used to take the 'being together' thing for granted. Now even just holding your hand and walking around, I already feel lovely enough...

No matter what you suggest, I already decided. I want our wedding's theme song to be 'Pretty Flowers'. I don't care!

For the days we can be still together, I wish to dedicate this picture to both of us.

Happy 3rd anniversary. We are heading into our 4th year. And of course. More to come.

p/s: Thou I doubt, I still hope miracle like 'happily ever after' happens.

Distance

This is totally about distance. And do I believe in long distance relationship. Actually I'm not sure. But at least I'm sure of me and you. So for now I still believe LDR works.

So I talked about me and you and the distance to S. After work shower. She told me she doesn't think it works.

S: What's the point?

Me: ....

S: What's the point for having someone so far?

Me: For the day we're going to be together again. Like those days.

Yes. Then i finally realize. All the 'suffers' we have for now is for future. So we think we have future. Nope, we'll have. Psycho-ing myself. Of the picture of future.

The chinese reunion day, the new year is so near. This is the first year I'm away from home. We never celebrate new year together yet, cause we're not family yet. And also we are always apart.

Happy Chinese New Year. Me love everyone.

Me miss my family, maybe a little bit more than missing you in this festive. Sorry.

Big hole

It's tuesday. I left you and back to work. Seeing you rushing back to plant after dinner. Felt bad. But nothing i can do. I can only comfort myself that 'hey next tuesday is your public holiday. It'll be better'.

I went back office for monthly meeting. More and more i feel emptier than morning. Big hole in my heart.

I really don't know why. Walking back home. Planning a subway for my late lunch, at imbiah, but hell. It shut down before i notice. And the hole become deeper. End up having subway alone at vivo. Did some groceries shopping on way back. Carrying things alone. Buying sinful junk food. And ate them. And feel bad. No one at home. Feel like crying. Don't want to talk to anyone. Watch some meaningless taiwan show. Feel even emptier.

My schedule seems so normal. But I'm suffocating. I'm letting myself suffocate in this emptiness. I told mom yesterday i feel like going home. I do really. Mama, papa, bing, ting, tommy, popo, ning ning, xiao bai. I miss everyone.

5 o'clock in the evening. I'm in a big mess. A big mess of emo.