Big hole

It's tuesday. I left you and back to work. Seeing you rushing back to plant after dinner. Felt bad. But nothing i can do. I can only comfort myself that 'hey next tuesday is your public holiday. It'll be better'.

I went back office for monthly meeting. More and more i feel emptier than morning. Big hole in my heart.

I really don't know why. Walking back home. Planning a subway for my late lunch, at imbiah, but hell. It shut down before i notice. And the hole become deeper. End up having subway alone at vivo. Did some groceries shopping on way back. Carrying things alone. Buying sinful junk food. And ate them. And feel bad. No one at home. Feel like crying. Don't want to talk to anyone. Watch some meaningless taiwan show. Feel even emptier.

My schedule seems so normal. But I'm suffocating. I'm letting myself suffocate in this emptiness. I told mom yesterday i feel like going home. I do really. Mama, papa, bing, ting, tommy, popo, ning ning, xiao bai. I miss everyone.

5 o'clock in the evening. I'm in a big mess. A big mess of emo.