Stuffy in the room

I don't even remember when was the last time I woke up for work.

Ya. I've been having such a long break, not in a good way. I miss the lagoon. Miss the animals, miss the people. Miss the place.

And I look back myself. It's almost a year I've been there. What did I achieve?? NO! Damn you Yong Yu Lin!! You're such a loser! I hate you.

And looked back myself before I was here. In the island, sunshine, sea, sand, diving... it was, the best time of my life. I guess now I am paying back for all those joy I had. Maybe I do not deserve it. So now I stuck here. In the room, and no where to go.

I looked into my old picture. I didn't know I was having that much fun. Until now. God knows how much I miss the sea, how much I miss those corals, how much I miss the lil nudibranch... I miss the life woke up by the beach... cabana... all those... all those...

Sunshine and laughter. I miss you.

Big hole

It's tuesday. I left you and back to work. Seeing you rushing back to plant after dinner. Felt bad. But nothing i can do. I can only comfort myself that 'hey next tuesday is your public holiday. It'll be better'.

I went back office for monthly meeting. More and more i feel emptier than morning. Big hole in my heart.

I really don't know why. Walking back home. Planning a subway for my late lunch, at imbiah, but hell. It shut down before i notice. And the hole become deeper. End up having subway alone at vivo. Did some groceries shopping on way back. Carrying things alone. Buying sinful junk food. And ate them. And feel bad. No one at home. Feel like crying. Don't want to talk to anyone. Watch some meaningless taiwan show. Feel even emptier.

My schedule seems so normal. But I'm suffocating. I'm letting myself suffocate in this emptiness. I told mom yesterday i feel like going home. I do really. Mama, papa, bing, ting, tommy, popo, ning ning, xiao bai. I miss everyone.

5 o'clock in the evening. I'm in a big mess. A big mess of emo.

EMO.

Suddenly fell into emo again. Reading all those jimuiss planning for year end trip. I missed it. For some reason, i always miss it. Final year project, family trip, uni thingie.. all sorts of crap. But the result is I MISSED THOSE TRIPS. and the one coming up.

My weeks become 5days, then 2days rushing back here with you, then 5 days there 2 days here. HERE AND THERE. Traveler. I tell myself. It's worthwhile.

Christmas's over. Honestly i never celebrate any Christmas. Never celebrate but somehow everytime I know it's existence, jokers, all the shops keep on playing 'SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN.

Quite a while i stop posting. Busy. The nonetheless excuse. Working life is just different. I miss the days being pronounce as uni student. *o* and the student price.

I came about to question myself. Is all these worth it?! I sacrifice the family time, the friendship at home, my BF time, for this job. Am I doing well? I don't know. Dad always ask me to look for other job, YC always ask me to stop being so tired, and i still homesick. After years being away, I still homesick. JOKERS.

One day i look into the mirror. And i found only myself. Who somehow a little bit different from the one i used to.

HELLO STRANGER.