Water date

Water date isn't just about being in the sea. But preferably in the sea, where you smell freedom, in the wide clear (ok not always clear) sea; and when you stick your tongue out, the lovely salty taste.  

Water date, which had now in my life, had transformed into water treatment. It comforts me when I get a little bit upset about my life. When I sunk myself in the water, out of desperation in the swimming pool, I do feel a little better. Only when I am in the water, the buoyancy (perhaps) brought me back to my good old days. The days when I wake up by the beach, every breath just bring in extra salt, sands between my toes, enjoying the sunset and really emptied my mind, enjoyed the moment as it is. 

Yes, diving always make me a happy kid. And at this moment, event dive down and scrub tank would do great heal to me too. Descent, bubbling, head to the wonder world below the surface. But well, growing up and giving up. Swimming would do for the time being instead of diving. TOLERANCE. 

I am stuck in the city. Probably worse than lagoon. Its a real concrete world here. I feel a little suffocating. But this, is what I chose for myself. I will, take it all, for myself, and for you. 

Finally today I told you, that little decision I made. IF I can finish my study by the age of 29, before my 29th birthday, I will, for the last time, leave, and live island, for just few months, before I surrender to the city. The last farewell.

Surrender to the city.

p/s: our water date today was great! It's been ages since we last swam together, probably track back to Sabah =)

LOL (Lots Of Love)

Stuffy in the room

I don't even remember when was the last time I woke up for work.

Ya. I've been having such a long break, not in a good way. I miss the lagoon. Miss the animals, miss the people. Miss the place.

And I look back myself. It's almost a year I've been there. What did I achieve?? NO! Damn you Yong Yu Lin!! You're such a loser! I hate you.

And looked back myself before I was here. In the island, sunshine, sea, sand, diving... it was, the best time of my life. I guess now I am paying back for all those joy I had. Maybe I do not deserve it. So now I stuck here. In the room, and no where to go.

I looked into my old picture. I didn't know I was having that much fun. Until now. God knows how much I miss the sea, how much I miss those corals, how much I miss the lil nudibranch... I miss the life woke up by the beach... cabana... all those... all those...

Sunshine and laughter. I miss you.

I'm just going to get mad

I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.
I'm just going to get mad.

Yes. I'm just going to get mad.
it's stuffing. it's suffocating. it's horrible experience. how long yet for me to get out?

don't lock me here if I can't work. let me go home. one more day I'm just going to get mad.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Robin Scherbatsky

"The future is scary but you just can't run back to the past because it's familiar." -- Robin
Robin said that to Ted, when Ted is thinking about going back with his ex-girlfriend, or friends. And this comedy, this line, touches me.

From places to places, I need time to suit the place, and the new me. Without fail, every time, I cry to a new place, end up, I cry to leave too! I am enjoying my life, of moving. Hence every time I feel suffocate, I know, it's time to leave.

This is my first real time job, and I dont know how long I can stay. Somehow, now this job became my comfort zone. I know there is somewhere I need to go every morning I wake up. Cute little, or big animal waiting for me, things to be done, spending time with them, tell them, oh I miss my boyfriend... They are, the reason I wake up every morning.

But these few days at home, I keep on running this in my mind. This sentence. Yes I admit, I am scare of changing now. I am cool now! I dont know changes will make me better or pull me down.

Entering buffer time.

L I F E

Yes. That's right. I'm thinking of this game and now it's in my iPhone.

How long ago was the first time this game came into our life? Way before secondary school I bet. Sims. And I don't know why is it call 'SIMS', until today, I did a little bit reading. Sim, is just from the word simulator.

Long long ago from the sims, we learn, as a kid. We have to go work, we choose our job, we have to make friends, we have to save money, we have to create bonding, we can choose to flirt with the other girl or just be friend, we need to have a family, we need to make love to have babies...... We have to plan our life. When I was 12, it was just a game. And now. It's such a freaking true life. How can a game be so cruel and tell us we are just leading a meaningless 'sims' life?

So that day we had a gathering with all the sisters. So sad we didn't take a picture. Well this shows that all of us are so same, we are not the camwhore type. That made us together. For more than a decade. Girls, don't know if you realize, this little lunch touches me a lot. Sie needs to talk on the phone in the middle of lunch, doing her job; Mei knew this place through her job; Fei is thinking of changing job, OL can't attend cause she needs to attend court on monday. We all moved on. But somehow I feel left out. I never really into the real world like all of you. Did I miss out anything? Grab me, maybe I'm just sinking.

And also, thanks for the boyfriends that came. I knew it took you all lots of effort.

---> Ackn: Kill, Tall, Ryan, XP.

And Dai Lou Kill, one word from you made me ponder for a few days. Yes, I am not young anymore. I, AM, NOT, YOUNG, A N Y M O R E. Don't like you.

(^o^) After all I'm still younger than you. Bleh..

Quote of the day

After all we are just living in the Sims City.

And they lived happily ever after

Yes.

I am expressing my doubt here.

.

.

.

.

I just came back to reality from a very lovely date. We had, exactly 25 hours. Minus off we slept 6 hours. Every moment is so precious. You told me, this is something that people being together always would never understand. Yes. We used to take the 'being together' thing for granted. Now even just holding your hand and walking around, I already feel lovely enough...

No matter what you suggest, I already decided. I want our wedding's theme song to be 'Pretty Flowers'. I don't care!

For the days we can be still together, I wish to dedicate this picture to both of us.

Happy 3rd anniversary. We are heading into our 4th year. And of course. More to come.

p/s: Thou I doubt, I still hope miracle like 'happily ever after' happens.

Distance

This is totally about distance. And do I believe in long distance relationship. Actually I'm not sure. But at least I'm sure of me and you. So for now I still believe LDR works.

So I talked about me and you and the distance to S. After work shower. She told me she doesn't think it works.

S: What's the point?

Me: ....

S: What's the point for having someone so far?

Me: For the day we're going to be together again. Like those days.

Yes. Then i finally realize. All the 'suffers' we have for now is for future. So we think we have future. Nope, we'll have. Psycho-ing myself. Of the picture of future.

The chinese reunion day, the new year is so near. This is the first year I'm away from home. We never celebrate new year together yet, cause we're not family yet. And also we are always apart.

Happy Chinese New Year. Me love everyone.

Me miss my family, maybe a little bit more than missing you in this festive. Sorry.

Big hole

It's tuesday. I left you and back to work. Seeing you rushing back to plant after dinner. Felt bad. But nothing i can do. I can only comfort myself that 'hey next tuesday is your public holiday. It'll be better'.

I went back office for monthly meeting. More and more i feel emptier than morning. Big hole in my heart.

I really don't know why. Walking back home. Planning a subway for my late lunch, at imbiah, but hell. It shut down before i notice. And the hole become deeper. End up having subway alone at vivo. Did some groceries shopping on way back. Carrying things alone. Buying sinful junk food. And ate them. And feel bad. No one at home. Feel like crying. Don't want to talk to anyone. Watch some meaningless taiwan show. Feel even emptier.

My schedule seems so normal. But I'm suffocating. I'm letting myself suffocate in this emptiness. I told mom yesterday i feel like going home. I do really. Mama, papa, bing, ting, tommy, popo, ning ning, xiao bai. I miss everyone.

5 o'clock in the evening. I'm in a big mess. A big mess of emo.

life goes on

It's a new year coming. No matter how much you miss 2010, or how much you are looking forward to 2011, 1st of January comes at the same time for everyone. Fair and Square.

Looking back at 2010, what had i gone through..

1. Got my undergraduate. with honors. and my first class.

2. Had an awesome internship at Tioman, and made new friends *o*

3. Celebrated our 2nd year anniversary with thesis.

4. Got a job.

5. Make it to the Mt Kinabalu Low's Peak ^o^

But other than this. Nothing important. So many things to do but i had not complete. Lots of item to be 'checked'. But somehow 2010 was awesome for me. I begin my year as a university student, hanging out and bluffing here and there. In the end of this year i started my very first job in my life. Lots to learn.

I pass by McDonald's just now. Saw the prosperity burger. It reminds me of the time we had the burger at KK, with all coursemates. It was a great time. But nothing replays. Perhaps me, NE, tzes, and tall can have together this year again?

Cheers everyone. It's another year ahead. It's another 365days of your very own adventure!

EMO.

Suddenly fell into emo again. Reading all those jimuiss planning for year end trip. I missed it. For some reason, i always miss it. Final year project, family trip, uni thingie.. all sorts of crap. But the result is I MISSED THOSE TRIPS. and the one coming up.

My weeks become 5days, then 2days rushing back here with you, then 5 days there 2 days here. HERE AND THERE. Traveler. I tell myself. It's worthwhile.

Christmas's over. Honestly i never celebrate any Christmas. Never celebrate but somehow everytime I know it's existence, jokers, all the shops keep on playing 'SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN.

Quite a while i stop posting. Busy. The nonetheless excuse. Working life is just different. I miss the days being pronounce as uni student. *o* and the student price.

I came about to question myself. Is all these worth it?! I sacrifice the family time, the friendship at home, my BF time, for this job. Am I doing well? I don't know. Dad always ask me to look for other job, YC always ask me to stop being so tired, and i still homesick. After years being away, I still homesick. JOKERS.

One day i look into the mirror. And i found only myself. Who somehow a little bit different from the one i used to.

HELLO STRANGER.

Small sea lion.

Sorry everyone. Nothing amazing. Just want to share a stupid joke.

Before the joke start, I would like to thanks FC for providing this joke. It's a nice one. Trust me.

So yeah. One day, after the sea lion show, otter twinkle came out. The lil fella. Lots of audience still there. And then one pass in front of us.

Kid: Hey mom! See!! See!!!

Mom: Hey son!

Kid: Wow! What's that?

Mom: Boy, see! It's a small sea lion.

-_-''

So for your information, these is sea lion and otter. (Let me smack you if you can't tell them apart. Thanks.)

smiling dolphins

So everyone must have the idea: Dolphins are friendly, dolphins always smile, dolphins are kind and the angel.. and blah blah blah..

Excuse me, they are not friendly. They bite.

Moreover, they are freaking cheeky. Not the lovely kind of cheeky. And I'm not yet there to train them yet. But lucky enough to be 'fool' by them.

And dolphins are carnivore. They hunt and kill. They weren't always smiling, they have no cheek, they were forced to smile.

Last but not least, they are not angel. They are just dolphins.

I hate myself

I was always like this. Always. And I hate this me so much. I hide it for so long, so unexpectedly the devil came out today...

I hate myself for this. I hate my tears. I hate my uncontrollable tear glands. I know my tears is always my cheerleader. But I'm not kiddo anymore. I don't want to cry in front of people.

Dear myself, please grow up. And learn to block your stupid tear glands.

Milk tea.

It is weird with a title 'milk tea' and follow by a drawing like this

Who do you think she is?

---> It's my queen. My red queen.

Nobody likes red queen. She's the bad character in the story. But she's just a pity character. She deserves fans as well. She deserves love too. Like 'white'. And to add on, i don't like white.

Going back to milk tea. I miss those 'milk tea' session in the mid night.

Me + Tall + NE. Tiny Pearls. Chocolate ice-blended.

I miss the fun we had.

sea lion.

I used to tried so hard. so hard. yet i couldn't really specified the difference between true seal and fur seal.

** It's always hard to memorize the difference without seeing the real thing. haha and that's why i hate chemistry xx

True seal (why are they 'true' and the other is 'fake'?)

1. No external ear.
2. walk very ugly and clumsy on land.
3. neck can't move. always look in front..
4. can be marine or freshwater.

Fur seal (ok, to make life easier, it's sea lion)

1. Have external ear.
2. can 'run' on land. hind flipper able to move and use for maneuverer.
3. neck always moving. like turkey.
4. all survive only in marine environment.

After all the lesson, actually i just want to post my graffiti today. This came into my mind when seeing Nok with the sea lion. But guess what, i change Nok into me. Dream dream dream...

my monday bluess

Back to work after escape to BF at malaysia. Trust me you won't really love your country after you left. That's so true. Concept applies to family. You won't realize how great is living at home until u really left.

So back to work today. Yeah I moved to otter stage now. Finally today i get to duty to 'feed'. Feed to otter. It was indeed a wonderful experience.

But today early in the morning i was so pissed. By a freaking hell unrelated women.

Yes. no shit was given. and no shit will be give.

Scout boys

I was at Kranji this morning, like half past 10. Then i saw a group of scout boys. Holding the tongkat, with a map, on their 'journey'. I just wanted so much to take a picture of them. Then i approach the seems like leader guy in front. He said 'sorry m'am, no....'. Aww.. I just wish so much to share with everyone. Cause I saw our past in them.

Sisters, you might say that I was the weakest girl among us. Yes, i struggled a lot those days. Our 'mengembara' thingie. I think I did contribute a lot in dragging our time. It doesn't seems a good memory to me. But sisters, it is. Seeing those scout boys bring me back to the schooling day. Our biggest worry was scout, homework, result and friends. But yet we thought it was so big. So big to shed my tears. And now looking back it's so childish of me. yet so naive side of me.

Sisters, scouting days were one big part of my good old time. Thanks for accepting me in those days. I love you girls. It build the me today.

p/s: I couldn't find any better picture. I wasn't at home. And this was from 'friendster'..

and p/s again: my old blog died. moved all the post to another place by default. I have no idea how to move it here.